Seventeen years ago onMay 5th is the day my husband, Dan and I, promised in front of a congregation, in the presence of GOD, that we would forsake all others and keep ourselves to each other until we were parted only by death. Apparently Dan, had memory problems exacerbated by a relapse of his alcoholism and the presence of my (former) best friend, Donna Townsend.

Donna was in treatment for a small lump in her breast. She had a lumpectomy and chemo. We met in the chemo treatment room of my oncologist. She was fun, she was an Episcopalian (or so she said) and we became friends and shared female type confidences. I felt outrage when her boyfriend moved out on her. And when she was 'unjustly' fired, she moved in with us.

BIG MISTAKE.... sort of a no good deed shall go unpunished.

She moved in and took over.

I, on the other hand had a pervasive breast cancer, Pagetts which kills 97.4% within 18 months of diagnosis. I also had a MRSA in the mastectomy site and subsequent prophylactic mastectomy of the other breast (well, at least I could walk down a hall without drifting to the right because I as so unbalanced). Only later did I find I was a Stage IVB... the write your will stage. But nine years later, I’m still hear. Not sure that’s a ‘good thing’.

I am also asthmatic, so Donna eventually stopped smoking outside and smoked inside and persuaded Dan to do the same. According to her, it was his house too and he had the right to smoke inside if he wanted to. She did this so I would have to be forced to stay in another room while they did things together... not just smoking.

Dan’s dog, Barney, (that will be another blog about just him) hated Donna. He’d pee on anything Donna set on the floor including the sofa bed she slept on... well, ostensibly slept on. I should not have scolded him for that. He was just trying to tell me how bad Donna was.

The chemo also ratcheted up my arthritis (from years of dancing, competitive skating, competitive ballroom dancing) and I had to have my knees replaced. When I got home, I got in my car and the radio was tuned to HER favorite station of course, her car was not working.

The kids and I finally gave her an ultimatum to get out. Well, she persuaded Dan to set her and him up in an apartment. I only found out when I went to pay the electric bill and they said that it had been changed to a different address. I tracked him there. He finally walked out the day after Christmas.... and that Christmas night Donna actually accused Dan of molesting his granddaughter.... with all of us present! Wonder what that was about... because at that moment we all were on her case... the next day Dan moves in with her?

More to come as I work this through. I HAVE to forgive them as this is eating me but maybe at least warning others about evil women and sharing the pain that self-centered women like Donna Townsend wreck on innocent people will make it worth is.

O.K. find pictures of self for a blog. YUK The only one I could find was when my hair was growing back in after chemo from a cancer that only 3.3% survive more than 18 months. Maybe I can change it later.....

By this time in my life so many changes are written there, yet inside somehow one of my delusional voices persuades me that I'm the hottie I used to be 49 years ago... dancer, model--- all those things I once took pride in, now removed from my life. Conversely, almost everything I said/thought would never happen to me, has, as well as everything I once made jokes about, I now am. When I look at my once sleek and curvaceous body, look at the bikini pictures I just scanned in to preserve (for what?) I see curves all right, but they go OUT instead of IN. Where once proud breasts were.... one is an amputated stump, the other is a gaping scream, the memory of a flesh-eating virus that chomped on my muscle tissue around my left side to the spine. The result of infection getting into the radiation burns. All those dark secrets they never tell you before treatment.

Two zipper scars run up my knees, the consequences of years of dancing and competitive dance skating. Well, the joy of being able to stand longer than 90 seconds without excruciating pain is worth it, I guess.